Rajul aka Ameet aka I’m it Shah
Born october 81, youngest of three
First two years with the grandparents
All cheers, no fears, livin like a prince
“We gettin too attached, it’s gettin too deep, he’s gotta go back”
Back to Queens, no longer a King
What a transition that must have been
Top of the world to the bottom of the barrel
My little brother I didn’t treat him that well
We were kids, I bullied, you fell.
Lookin back its clear to see,
He was quiet, stayed mostly to himself
He was so thoughtful, kind and gentle
Some say he was an old soul
Gripped with the shits since he was six
A life tormented, continued with despair
So alone with no one to talk to
No one he thought he could share
The depth of his ailment
Was he even aware?
He followed my footsteps everywhere
High School, college and even the job
All those accomplishments, did it even matter?
I doubt it.
Success was most important
So he held on, fought thru, with a tore up stomach
Got the job, money and independence
But lost his life and most of his confidence
Svidersky around 8, gives me a call
“Yo something aint right, get over here, don’t stall”
As I drove up the 101, I knew it wasn’t right
Thinking to myself, damn man, please tell me you aiite.
Bangin on the door, shit’s locked, so I hopped the balcony,
Slid open the door, can’t believe what I see,
Sitting on that couch, donned with suit
Image burnt in the brain, mi brudda, mi yute
Hole in the head, hole in the wall
Yo this is a joke right? “Stop fuckin playin y’all!!!!”
“Call the cops man, call the cops!” - yells Svidersky
Can’t tell if Im dreamin or if it’s a real
Feeling confused, then I see the gun
What? When d’you get a gun man?
What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck is goin on right now?
Is that it? Am I suppose to start crying right now?
Are they watching me right now?
Yo am I camera right now?
I’m losing my mind…
Blue team shows up to inspect,
Tears on my face,
I was the brother, now I’m a fuckin’ suspect
Hands in cuffs, so they feel safe,
In retrospect, i wish I had more time
As he stared into that barrell was he in his right mind?
Guess we’ll never know, all we got is hindsight.
Might be 2020 but I still can’t see
Are we allowed to take our life if we want to?
Some say no, and some say do you.
He decided to end his story at 25.
I decided to stop asking myself why
I think i know the answer
Might have been easier to just deny
Tushar always said
“Let’s remember how he lived, not how he died”
Now those are some words to live by.